14 September 2014

Being out, but not going out

I've only been out en femme 4 times this year, and yet I seem to be more "out" than ever before.

On Friday, I had 2 male work clients who I'd never met before, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Both commented on my nails and asked what type of outfit they were to go with!

In both cases, I responded with "1950s pinup style". Both were quite happy with that answer, with one commenting that one of his friends used to be in Les Girls (a surprisingly common response given that there haven't really *that* many members of Les Girls).

While looking up the contact details of a guy (on Facebook) who is able to do rectification work for the second client, I pulled up the photo of the outfit that I wore to Kurri Kurri last year ~ on my boy profile. :-)

IMATS Sydney is on next weekend. After going on the Saturday last year, the year before, and the year before that, I'm not planning on going this year, and hence haven't bought a ticket. Unless someone miraculously decides to give me a ticket, I won't be going.

I went to get dinner at Subway last night, and while I was there, I also went to the supermarket, where I was served by the woman who asked if I was at IMATS last year. She asked if I was going to IMATS, and I told her no. I asked if she knew that it is at Moore Park this year and she said yes, and it's a bit inconvenient to get to.

Having been to Moore Park back in 2011, I know how inconvenient it can be to get to. Fortunately, I had looked at options for getting there earlier this year, and discovered that there are buses direct from Central railway station to Moore Park, and that you can actually buy a train ticket that includes the bus. I told the woman at the supermarket about the buses, and that there was information on the Cityrail (now Sydney Trains) web site. She sounded genuinely disappointed that I'm not going, but was grateful for the information about the buses.

While I'm not planning on going to IMATS, I may well be going to Sydney the following weekend, as I've been invited to an event at Beauty Heaven, similar to the one that I went back in 2010. It's remarkable how much has changed since 2010 ~ back then, I stripped the nail polish that was done at BH before I went back to work on the Monday. Back then, I wore a wig and wasn't into the '50s pinup style.

While I'm not going out anywhere nearly as often now as I used to, I'm far more comfortable with who I am, and who knows about me, than I was even a year ago. I would like to go out a bit more often, though!

06 September 2014

Plodding along

I've done some soul searching since my last post. I've come to realise that the root cause of my burnout is not my work at all. The real problem is relationship related, and my compromised ability to concentrate on and organise my work, which I initially interpreted is being the cause is in fact a consequence.

Worryingly, while the relationship issues that are causing the problems are essentially unrelated to my crossdressing, as with my work, my ability to organise outings has also been compromised as a consequence of the burnout problem. That compounds the problem, as spending time en femme is something that I enjoy, which helps to make me more productive in general, and would probably put me in a better frame of mind to deal with the relationship issues that I'm struggling with.

Where things go from here, I don't know any more. I've been clinging on by my fingertips since at least 2007, and I don't know if I can do it for much longer. Don't worry, while I'm depressed, I'm not suicidal at the moment ~ that was last week. Something will have to change soon, but what and how is up to my wife, as I've done everything I can to sort things out.